In a few short weeks, I will be taking one
of the biggest steps in my life when I say "I do", and get
married. The wedding has
been months in the making, and for the most part, things have gone
pretty smoothly. However, when you are planning for the happiest
day of your life, the Speedbumps along the way can really get you down. I decided to write this little article to tell you about a few of
our Speedbumps, how they affected us, and how we dealt with it.
This is not only for newlyweds, or soon to be newlyweds, but for
all of you people who ARE the potential Speedbumps, so you can see how
your attitude and actions can affect others.
#1: The insincere groom. This
would be me. Yes men out
there, we have been told by every other groom out there to just show up,
look good, and say "Yes."
Along the way all you have to do is say, "Yes dear, whatever
you want." Well guys,
just make sure you don't say "I don't care, whatever makes you
happy," because all the bride hears is "I don't care.".
Men, make sure you watch what you say and play an active role in
planning your wedding. Make
constructive suggestions and lend a hand when needed.
It's not that any of your ideas will come to fruition, but women
like to think you are playing an active role.
#2: The perfectionist bride. This
would not be my bride (because she is perfect - at least that's
what she tells me), but some other brides that I have heard about.
This is the bride who has to have everything just this way or
that way. The dress, the cake,
the favors, the tux, the hair - the list can go on and on.
Realize that the last "Perfect" person to walk the face
of this Earth was crucified in public (no offense to the non-Christians
out there). Just chill out and realize that nothing is ever perfect. As
long as you tried your best, be happy with that. Realize too that everyone else is trying their best, even
though it doesn't always seem that way.
#3: Opinionated friends. You've
heard them - "You just have to do this!", or "So
and so's wedding had a huge ice statue and it was so beautiful.",
or "You mean you're not having a church wedding?" Oh yeah, they can drive you crazy. Just remember this is your wedding and they are just trying
to help. Let them say all
they want, but know that it's your day, and (like Burger King says) you
get to have it your way.
Speedbump #4: Everything else.
This just about covers everything.
Yes, from the altar to the zest on your wedding cake, something
can go wrong. There are
some things in life that you just can't control, like the weather or
having to actually pay to have a nice wedding (and I'll tell you, it's
not cheap), so you're just gonna have to deal with it and try to smile.
#5: Everyone else. I
guess #4 talked about things that can't be controlled.
Maybe you can't control other people, but they can and should
control their actions. I
will give you two examples of what happened in our wedding experience
and how we dealt with it.
5A: The Wedding Registry.
We went to Macy's to register and were given the best service in
the world. To the person
who helped us a Macy's Ala Moana, "mahalo."
You made our experience wonderful.
To the guy at Williams & Sonoma, "auwe."
When we inquired about registering, we were told this; "If
you want any kind of help while registering you need to have an
appointment or you can try and register on the website."
If the store was busy, I would understand, but there were no more
than 10 people in the store and at least four salespeople. If I can do it by myself on the website, then why do I need
help other than helping me fill out the papers?
He didn't offer to make an appointment for us either.
I was very upset by that kind of snobby attitude.
We went from the royal treatment at Macy's to feeling like we
were unworthy at Williams & Sonoma. How did I deal with it?
They aren't going to get my business.
Note: I did write to the website, and they returned my e-mail
asking if I wanted a personal response. Upon
request, I am still waiting for my personal response.
5B: The Wedding Cake.
We reserved a wedding cake from Chef Leigh at Tiers of Joy waaaay
back in the summer. My
fiancée knew her and she graciously extended us a discount.
She gave us quotes for two types of cakes, with one being more
expensive than the other one. At
the time, we chose the more expensive cake.
Our financial situation has since changed, so upon reconfirming
our order, my fiancée inquired about the cheaper of the two cakes.
She was told that they were both the same price.
Confused, my fiancée tried to clarify that she thought one cake
was less expensive than the other. If they were both the same price, we
would go with our first choice. Chef
Leigh apparently did not remember quoting us two different prices and
took this as an attempt to barter down an already discounted price.
Obviously there was a misunderstanding here. Chef Leigh decided not to make our cake with less than a month left
until our wedding. Misunderstanding
aside, that left us in quite a bind and we are currently trying to find
someone to make our cake on short notice.
The two parties above are part of the wedding industry. Our day
of wedding registry was tainted by a snobby store, and our dream cake is
turning into a nightmare. Those
in the wedding industry have the ability to make a couple's wedding
experience memorable. Unfortunately, the memories can be just as bad as
they are good.
do we deal with the "Speedbumps" on the way to marriage?
First of all, I call them Speedbumps because they slow you down,
but you should never allow them to stop you.
You need to go over it and move on.
I've given the following advice to many of my friends as they
were about to get married, and I'd like to share it with you:
dreams of having the perfect wedding day.
Often, things can go
Instead of focusing on all the bad, you need to step back and
look at everything that's going good.
Even if all hell breaks loose, all that matters is that you and
the love of your life are there. That
alone is the perfect wedding.
minute let me focus on all the good things that have happened - we got
great rings from Al Kamm's Jewelers, again. Macy's was awesome, Donald
Takeya of 'Creative I Video' and Lew Harrington of 'Love Story Weddings'
have been more than helpful, Judge James Aiona Jr. has been fantastic,
our florist has been a blessing, we know that our musicians (Kelly and
Monika of Emerald House) will sing their hearts out, and we have the
best friends and family in the world helping us out.
Sorry if I forgot anyone, but there have been so many wonderful
people making those Speedbumps disappear.
focusing on the positive aspects, Speedbumps can only slow you down for
a bit. Never let them stop you.
Before you know it, you'll be at the altar saying yes.
Maybe by my mentioning a few of
the potential land mines in this article, you won't have to over
the Speedbumps. You can go around them.
Note from Hawaii411: Stay tuned for wedding photos and more commentary.
The photos here are all from my wedding photographer, Lewis
Harrington. His website is www.lovestoryweddings.com.
Check him out, his photos are awesome and he has been a great help.