reviews The Ring, touted as one of the scariest movies to come out in a
Is this a horror movie about some men's fear
of marriage? Is it a documentary on what you eventually see on your
toilet if you don't clean it often? No to both of the above.
And no, dammit, it ain't 'That new Hobbit Film'...
The Ring is a horror movie that was
remade from a 1998 Japanese movie named (what else) Ringu. Ringu
was an all time box office smash in Japan, which led some greedy American
filmmakers to take what the Japanese did and try to make it better (talk
about role reversal between the 2 countries, eh). I've never seen
Ringu, but if it was one of the top grossing films ever in Japan, I'd say
our version falls a little short. Oh Gosh-u Darn-u.
This story is all over the place and was obviously contrived around a
central theme (giving that theme away will ruin a twist of the movie) -
Like someone somewhere said 'Hey, wouldn't it be neat if we built a two
hour movie out of >blah blah<?' and then built a movie around the
end scene. Anyhow, we start with a little Urban Legend talk between
two girls at a slumber party.... Seems one of them viewed an infamous tape
7 nights earlier - No, not the Tommy/Pamela Lee tape... It's a legendary
video that is supposed to somehow kill the viewer 7 days after they watch
it. Anyhow, great time to have a sleepover, huh? So the girl
dies as predicted and her Aunty Rachel (the main character played by Naomi
Watts of Mulholland Drive) uses her journalistic instincts to
attempt to solve the case. In the process, she just about endangers
or kills anyone special to her. Don't want to be this lady's friend.
Director Gore Verbinski definitely is a master of the
creepy and jump scare. A loud noise here (bang), a high pitched
chalkboard sound there (remember Aliens?), some mottled scaly skin and a
weird zombie child villain all contribute to the expertly executed
Scarefest. Bizarre creepiness and some intense scares without the
use of excessive gore kept the
audiences glued to the screen and holding on tight to the person next to
them (except if it was a guy and his buddy cause that's just weird). I'd
put the fear factor on this one an 9 out of 10.
One of the scenes that left me with a
'How'd they do that?' mindset was the Horsey-Gone-Wild scene. The
special effects are second to none in this flick, and must have cost an
arm, a leg, and a hoof.
Naomi Watts as Aunty Rachel actually does a pretty good job as the
main scare-ee of the flick. All throughout the movie, I dare you not
to think "Is that Nicole Kidman?". She has a generic Haole
woman look to her, and I couldn't help thinking how much she looked like
Kidman (who was born right here in Hawaii! Check out the trivia
section). Let's just hope she's not as weird as Kidman.
Martin Henderson (Windtalkers)
also does a decent job in his role as the immature ex-sperm donor one
night stand friend with whom Rachel shares a child with (if not the child
David Dorfman does his best Haley Joe Osment Sixth Sense
impression, but he can't keep up. Yes, he sees dead people...
Hmm. Seen this one somewhere before.
There is a man who almost stole the show with one scene. Look for
the black records keeper who Martin Henderson attempts to score a
videotape record from... Hilarious!
By the way, about the video tape? It may have been intended to
be frightening, but to tell you the truth I've seen weirder, more
frightening stuff on Red
Hot Chili Pepper Videos (especially Mr. Sock, for all you Chili Pepper
And, if you had in your possession a
videotape you know kills people in 7 days, would you really just leave it
laying around the house for your kid to watch? I guess I'd put it
right on the floor unsecured where the kid plays, right next to my loaded
.357 Magnum, Rambo knife, rat poison, dynamite, and a whole tray of those
silicon moisture gel packs they put in nori jars. Parent of the
What is it with small little seemingly
unimposing scary villains? We got Chucky, a killer doll... Pet
Sematary's Xacto Knife wielding zombie baby... and now we have another
sinister 3 foot girl as the super ghost (doing a great faceless Waialae
Drive In Theater Bathroom Lady impression). Gone are the good old
days where they would have a physically dominating bad guy.
How much you like The Ring really
depends on what you are looking for in this movie. If you want the
doots scared out of you and aren't really picky about storyline, then by
all means go see The Ring. It's the first movie in my recent
recollection that really does a decent job freaking the audience out and
making them jump at all the appropriate places. Heck, I still have
the nail marks on my arm from my questionable decision to take my wife to
a horror flick. And, whoa... scary - The Nail Marks are in Half-moon
crescent ring like shapes! Won't sleep well tonight.
The Bottom Line
Go see The Ring. It's
not a half bad movie. Suspend wit and logical thinking for 110 minutes and
just enjoy yourself. BTW, this may be a great date movie for you
single guys to take a date. Scary movies often have a way of making you
seem more "macho" and "protective" - Just please be
sure you don't scream louder and higher pitched than her. I give it
3.5 unimposing villains out of 5.
Rating Box -
3.5 Unimposing Villains (out of a possible 5)
aren't too frightening when they are under 36" tall.
Attention: You must be
this tall to scare.
- visit the official homepage here
- view the Trailer