"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid..."

That's one of my favorite sayings. As comedian Bill Engvall and later Jeff Foxworthy put it so eloquently, if only we could provide some sort of sign to hang on the necks of type of individual that phrase applies to. You could pass these signs out at the first indication of stupidity. 


For example, if after a day of fishing, you bring your boat back into the dock loaded with fish, and some onlooker says "Hey, did you catch all those fish?"  You can then say, "No, we actually drank beers all day, and the fish somehow jumped into the boat. Here's your sign."

OR, if you're in the reception area of a restaurant, and the hostess asks you, "Are you waiting for a table?" You can reply, "Well actually, I just thought I'd come in and hang around for awhile. If I get hungry, I'll let you know. Here's your sign."


I had such an encounter last week when I decided to go to Jamba Juice for a smoothie. My voice was a little hoarse, and I felt like having some orange juice sort of thing. It's only a 5-minute walk from my office, so I'd still have time to run some other errands. As I approached the entrance to Jamba Juice, another lady was in front of me, about to enter herself. She pulled and pulled the door, but could not get it open. Assuming it was locked, she went through another entrance where other patrons were going in.

I got up to the same door and noticed that it said "PUSH". Hmmm.

The line was about 5 people deep, and I noticed as I got into it that the same lady was standing right in front of me (we'll call her "Little Lost Lady", or "LLL" from here on out...). She was peering at the menu overhead with a puzzled look on her face. I figured she must have been overwhelmed by all the choices. She had a HUGE backpack on, and was carrying several Science books. Which I must say, matched her appearance --- she looked very "bookish".

When it was her turn to order, LLL stepped right up and said "I'll have an Orange Julius, but the one with Strawberries."

Gah? She placed her order loud enough for everyone to hear. The couple behind me snickered quietly. The conversation between LLL and the cashier proceeded thusly:

Cashier: "Um, this is a 'Jamba Juice', and we're not affiliated at all with 'Orange Julius..."

[LLL looks extremely confused. ]

Cashier: "We have something called 'Strawberries Wild' that's probably similar to what you want. Did you want to order that?"

LLL: "Could I try it first?"

Cashier: "Well, we have to make a full order, but if you don't mind waiting --- we'll have one made for you to taste."

LLL: "Oh, that's okay - I'll go ahead and order one of those."

Cashier: "Would you like a free boost with that?"

[Again, LLL falls into a state of confustion. It's written all over her face.]

Cashier: "They're supplements that we add at no extra cost."

[At this point, the cashier turns the "boost" listing towards LLL, who looks like she's about to pass out from being given too much new information at once.]

Cashier: "Why don't we go with the 'Energy' boost?"

LLL: "Oh, okay. That's fine."

Cashier: "OK, that comes out to --"

LLL: "Wait, could I also order something else?

Cashier: "Sure, what would you like?"

LLL: "A chili cheese dog."

****************************

Well, the cashier pretty much had to go through the whole drill with her again. And what was going through my mind?

"Here's your sign."

Proof that you can have the whole six-pack, but it doesn't help if you don't have the plastic thingy to hold it all together...
  
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* *Colleen*.*` 
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