LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS OH MY! A
different view of the Honolulu Zoo.
I'm a regular over at the Honolulu Zoo. We purchased a family pass
for 25 bucks and have been taking the kids at least 5-7 times a
month. Hey, I'm Pake alright? We're gonna get value out of
that annual zoo pass.
The zoo is getting an 8 million dollar makeover. According to
the Honolulu Advertiser, the renovations will be as follows:
Discovery Zone to include an education building, amphitheater,
interactive animal center and the Rainforest Adventure Camp
Animal Health Center, providing a new in-house, state-of-the-art
veterinary clinic that will also serve as a quarantine center for new
Hawaiian Island Experience, featuring native animals, plants and
- A new
entrance to create a visually compelling atmosphere.
Let's see... If I was gonna put 8 million
bucks into the zoo, I don't think I'd put it into plants or
structures. There are some animals that really need some work....
Okay, they SAY there is a tiger at the Honolulu zoo, but I've never seen
him... But I've seen the Lion (like, once...)! A scrawny skinny old lion... And
there is a bear... A tiny little pitiful blind 900 year old black
bear. Please, someone needs to retire him to Jellystone Park.
There's my buddy, the peacock. I'm sure he thinks he's beautiful
when he spreads his plumage in a vain attempt to gain a mate. I say
'vain' attempt because no female peacock in her right mind is going to be
impressed by his bald no-feathered tail.
There are the turtles, who are by now world famous for their public turtle
orgies complete with some of the funniest and loudest reptilian sex moans
you will ever hear. Ever see turtles do it? I now know first
hand that everything a turtle does is slow.
Our petting zoo contains a cow with real bad halitosis, a crazed billygoat
that butts everyone in site, and a Llama that can flood a small village
with the amount of shishi she expels in a single pee session. The
sheep look like they need some dry cleaning, and the mini-horse needs to
be less 'stimulated' when he finds something good to eat, if you know what
I mean (put that thing away, Mr. Ed. You're scaring the children -
and giving complexes to most of the men!).
Okay, one more bummer about the zoo, then we'll move on. I spent 5 minutes showing my
daughter the 'cute' monkey sleeping in the tree before realizing with
horror that what I thought was the monkeys upside down face was actually
her backend. Uggh. Three words... Monkeys need pants.
Enough of the bad, let's talk about what's cool about the zoo.
Right when you enter the zoo you'll see a flock of the most beautiful
flamingos. Shockingly pink, it's impossible to not feel happy when
looking at these awesome creatures. Nature's coloring books.
meet a myna bird there
named Toby that can say 10-20 different human phrases (that I've
heard). Some of these include 'Aloooooha!', 'Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha', and
'Here kitty kitty kitty!'. He just loves the attention people give him and performs
for the love of it. Definitely a must see.
The spider monkeys are still a crowd favorite. They fly through the air
with no hesitation or second guesses - swinging on bamboo trellises high
above a croc-filled pond. Alright, you got me... Only turtles are in
the pond, but I swear when I saw the monkeys as a kid there were Crocs sun
bathing on the same monkey island. I guess all it took was one
careless monkey, then SNAP!
you've ever seen a giraffe up close and personal, it's one of the most
awesome sights you will ever see. These giraffes look great - They
are huge and also well taken care of. My favorite part is watching
them run when it's feeding time. Because they are so gigantic and
long, they take off like they're in slow motion. Just great! I
can sit there for hours just watching them eat from grass balls he
keepers hang from the high trees.
The Rhino is also impressive, as he lumbers back and forth. Kruger,
the white rhino, reminds me of a throwback to the stoneage. Anything
with feet that look like that is a Jurassic holdover. Birds love
him, humans love him... Kruger's animal magnetism just can't be
So, the 8 million should be put towards the care of the animals... Who
cares about some darn entrance or plants? I love the zoo, and it doesn't
need any superficial makeover to make it a world class attraction..
Ask a child what he/she likes at the zoo. One hundred percent of
them will agree on the same thing. THE ANIMALS!